Today I have a great travel guest post from Lorca Damon on a “First class Hoover Dam”. She’s a hilarious writer and author I adore, and I’m certain you will, too. Enjoy!
I don’t know what all the fuss is about. The Hoover Dam just isn’t that big. I’ve heard people actually plan entire vacations around getting to see the Hoover Dam, and after seeing it myself I just feel a little sad for those people. Of course, I was seeing it on our way up to a cruising altitude of 30,000 feet. Here’s how it went down:
My husband earned a trip for the two of us to Las Vegas through his work. He brought home all of the paperwork and itineraries for our trip to the Lumber Convention (note: I’m not supposed to call it the Lumber Convention, because it was officially called the Something-Something-Something Building Supply Expo, but Lumber Convention is just funnier). I saw on the itinerary that we would have all day on Saturday to ourselves to go and do anything we wanted to inLas Vegas. I looked online and found a day trip to the Hoover Dam, Lake Mead, and theGrand Canyon.
HIM: We’re not going to see the Hoover Dam on our once-in-a-lifetime vacation toLas Vegas.
ME: Okay. Can I go see the Hoover Dam by myself?
HIM: No. That’s the nerdiest vacation ever. No normal person flies toLas Vegas for four days of fun and goes to look at a brick wall and a giant ditch. We’ll go see a show or something, hit the casinos maybe. It’ll be fun.
He’s a liar. It wasn’t fun. First, because he booked us on separate airplanes. On purpose. Yes, he took the two of us on a romantic vaction to the Lumber Convention and we flew on two different airplanes. Because nothing says romance like one of you leaving from gate A23 and the other one leaving from gate E14.
HIM: I did that on purpose so that if there’s a plane crash, the kids still have one parent.
ME: Well, that’s oddly…sweet? I think? But what if it’s my plane that goes down and our two daughters are going to be raised by you?
HIM: Sheesh, how hard can it be?
ME: You do realize we’re going to the airport in the same car and we’re statistically more likely to do in that vehicle than in a plane crash.
HIM: I’m a good driver.
ME: Wait…what if your plane smashes into my plane in midair?
HIM: That can’t happen.
ME: What if the air traffic controllers are drunk and your plane lands and then they tell my plane to land right on top of it?
HIM: Stop saying stuff like that!
I did notice that he got to fly on the good airline that had extra ammenities like snacks and landing gear. I got stuck with the sucky airline, meaning I flew on a plane full of drunken NASCAR fans. The flight crew didn’t offer us so much as a squirt from a communal water bottle and the bathrooms were out of order. Even worse, the pilot kept calling out really awesome landmarks that were on the OTHER side of the plane.
Our four days in Las Vegaswere all well and good, but it’s not my kind of town. When it was time to head to the airport for our separate flights—mine leaving four hours after my husband’s, I must add—it was none too soon for me. I got to the flight counter when it opened and heard the most magical words ever spoken:
“Would you like to upgrade to first class?”
I kind of remember screaming something about dear-lord-I’ll-pay-anything-if-you-just-don’t-make-me-sit-by-those-people-ever-again, but I did have one condition: I wanted a window seat on the LEFT side of the plane. The attendant looked at me funny, but she made it happen. She must have also suffered the pain of not ever getting to see the Hoover Dam and the Grand Canyon because her husband is a jerk who wanted to sightsee in Sin City instead.
When we finally took off, I heard the captain announce in his very Roman-godlike-voice, “If you’ll look out the left side of the plane, you will begin to see the Hoover Dam, Lake Mead, and the Grand Canyon.” I snapped pictures from my first class window like a hillbilly who’s never seen color television. I even kind of waved at the dam before I could stop myself. But it’s still really, really small.
About the author: Lorca is a wife, mother, writer, teacher, triathlete, marathon runner, and overall snarky person. She is currently working on her
third sixth novel, but please don’t go looking for either of the first two five yet since no one thought they were any good. Except for her mother, who thought the first one was lacking but had nothing but the highest praise for the second one. Show Lorca’s website some love, and follow her on Twitter @LorcaDamon
Thanks so much, Lorca, I loved this post! Come back anytime, and I am sure the books are more lovable than you suspect.
Have you ever been to the Hoover Dam? If not, would you plan a vacation around it? Tell me in the comments!
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